Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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