So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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