And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
