I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
