got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
