I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
