I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Randomize
