i think my mom watched the whole time
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
