plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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