I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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