I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
