I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Randomize
