Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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