On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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