bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
