Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
