***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
