im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
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