Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Randomize
