There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
