I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
