I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
