did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
