my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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