a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
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