This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Randomize
