Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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