Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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