she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
