sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
