that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
