I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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