my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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