My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
