i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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