i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Every concussion has its silver lining
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
