She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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