So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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