I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
