I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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