Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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