ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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