I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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