Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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