I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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