I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Randomize
