..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
