i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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