My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
its not stalking. its research.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
