I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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