when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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